Even the Strong Have Their Limits
by PolkadottedPandas
Summary: The strong girl that could handle anything finally broke. The great and tough Maximum Ride is no more... all because of a boy and a letter. What happened when Fang left the flock? How badly did it affect everyone? How did it affect Max? Read and find out cause I suck at summaries...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything MR**

It's been six months exactly. Six months since he left us, left me. And in those six months I've cried more than I ever thought was humanly possible. Curled up under the blankets in my room sniffling and trying to hold the fresh wave of tears that were burning my eyes, begging to be released.

I didn't say a word to anyone for the first month after he left. I walked around like a shell of my former self, no longer finding anything to laugh or smile about. Praying that I'd become numb, wondering what it was that I had to do in order to not feel _anything _anymore.

I had become a professional at fake smiling, laughing without any real passion behind it whenever the flock did something to cheer me up. They knew I was falling apart, just not to what extent.

I felt like I was breaking. Like my insides were completely hollowed out and I was just a walking meat suit. I constantly wanted to fall to my knees and cry at anything that reminded me of him, but I refused to let the flock see me that weak again.

I forced myself to get up, get dressed, be presentable and act as happy as possible for the sake of everyone else. Even though everyday it seemed harder to do. I wasn't myself anymore, the happy, laughing, taking any moment with my family I could get person. Instead, I had been replaced with the more realistic, pessimistic person that I was today.

Hating people more than I used to, and not seeing a point to things anymore. Iggy was getting tired of my mopping around, told me to "buck up and get over it already" but he didn't understand. How could he? He had Ella. No one understood what I was going through… and I was getting sick of people telling me "I know how you feel" or "Everything's going to be fine."

Everything wasn't fine, and nobody knew how I fucking felt. I lost my best friend, my right hand man and the one person who understood me better than anyone. He always knew when something was wrong and always knew the right words to say to make it better, he was awkward and did the randomest things to get me to laugh when I was mad, he was always there to comfort me when I needed it and wasn't afraid to fight back when I started arguments.

No one understood how it felt to lose the one person I counted on most in the world. The one person who made me feel special for once in my horrible fucked up life. And now that person was gone. I no longer had someone to talk to when things got to be too much to handle, or to comfort me when I couldn't be strong anymore and started crumbling, or to act like a complete idiot in order to get me to laugh when I was pissed, or have random meaningless conversations with late because we don't want to stop talking.

What baffled me the most out of everything, was how he would be so _okay_ with the whole thing. Like leaving your family and someone you claimed to love was a normal everyday thing. Did he ever care? Or mean anything that he said? Did we mean _ANYTHING _to him?! …did I? It hurt knowing that I was slowly breaking and he was perfectly fine. Like it didn't bother him in the slightest, but I was being a weak and pathetic ball of a mess.

They didn't understand that by him leaving he wrecked everything. Everything crumbled and fell apart, leaving me wondering what the hell I was supposed to do now. I no longer had someone to lean on when things go too rough, I was forced to keep my head up and lead the others alone like nothing could touch me.

No one understood that I wasn't the "invincible Max" I played myself off to be. That even I, someone who can kick ass and take names any time of day, have my limits of how much bullshit I could handle. But now who was I supposed to turn to in my time of need? I didn't trust anyone enough to open up, and being a weak damsel in distress just wasn't in the job description.

He had been there for me, waiting every time I needed him, not wondering what was in it for him, but just being there because I needed him to be. But now, I had to learn that I didn't need someone in order to be strong. I didn't need someone to lean on because I was brave and not the weak pathetic person he had turned me into.

"Max?" I turned my head to look at Angel standing in the doorway of my bedroom. She had gotten taller, "Yah sweetie?" she walked in and crossed the room to stand beside me next to my dresser, looking at the letter he left when he disappeared and broke all his promises.

She wrapped her arms around my waist and hugged my tightly, "You don't need him to be strong Max… you have us." I hugged her back and buried my head into her hair. "I know sweetie… that's why I'm still here. I'm hurt right now because he means a lot to me Ang. But eventually… I'll move on, and hopefully go back to the old Max. I just can't be that right now."

"You know… it's kind of funny." She pulled away slightly and giggled for a minute before looking back up at me. "You hate chick flicks more than anything in the world, but yet your love life is the biggest cliché ever." I starred at her for a minute before busting out into laughter.

The rest of the flock came running into the room with worried faces, as I just stood next to my dresser, hunched over with a hand clutching my stomach and tears coming to my eyes. "Angel…. You couldn't be more correct by that statement." I wheezed through laughing.

For the first time in months, I laughed with 100% amusement. I knew I wouldn't get over it, and that it'd be a while before I moved on and became my old self again. And maybe I never would get over him, maybe I'd never have answers to my hundreds of questions, or understand how he could do it and be perfectly fine, maybe I'd be doomed to forever be in love with my ex best friend who I couldn't have and who left me crushed and feeling pathetic. But right now… I just wanted to relish in the moment I was in, enjoying my time with the ones I loved and still had in my life to look out for.

**R&R maybe?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Told y'all I'd be continuing it :) By the way, it starts out in Max's POV then goes to Iggy's. I'm not sure if I want to do a bunch of one-shots of a short-ish story... still debating. But for now... enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything MR**

Have you ever been happy? Like truly happy? You wake up and you lay there debating how much time you have to just relax before you have to get up, but you feel great? Like nothing could touch you or take away your unexplained joy?

But then… you get up and pull some clothes on, and just look in the mirror. Then all you depression comes rushing back like a train hitting you. You realize that in your eyes at least, you aren't pretty or as skinny as you wish you'd be, or as happy as you'd like. Or maybe… maybe you see what others can't. You can see the broken and weak girl through your eyes and fake smiles.

That's how I've felt since he left. Every now and then I'll wake up, or have a few moments of joy before I torture myself with thoughts of him or what we used to be, or even something as trivial as a stupid song. Everything will seem fine, the flock gathered around me laughing, or yelling at each other for something. And then a random song that I would never think twice about comes on, and just like that the switch is flipped.

My laughter will slowly start to die down to nothing, my smile disappearing until I'm biting my lip to keep from crying. The smallest of things making me think of every moment we had together, and where it all went wrong. Amazing how something so small can feel like it's crushing your lungs, making it harder and harder to breath. As if you were drowning, but even sucking in air couldn't save you.

"Max?" I snapped out of whatever trance I was in and turned to look at Iggy. He was holding the remote, his hand extended as high up as he could go with Nudge pushing against him and jumping at his arm. Like a little kid whose brother took their toy. "You okay?" He cocked his head to the side and was a few inches off from my face when he questioned me. Completely forgetting about Nudge until she grabbed the remote and danced with joy.

"I'm fine…" I mumbled, turning back to the table where Angel and Total were putting a puzzle together. Iggy walked up behind me and tapped my shoulder, pointing towards the backdoor and walking outside, not waiting to see if I followed him or not.

I sighed heavily then pushed my chair back, wincing as it scrapped across the floor, I walked towards the sliding glass door and out onto the porch. Taking in the brisk chill of the wind and folding my arms across my chest to keep warm.

"I know you aren't fine Max. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out. So either spill or stop moping around." I looked at Iggy as he leaned against the railing, crossing his arms and giving me a firm look as I walked to stand beside him.

"I feel trapped… anytime I'm happy I only have a few minutes to enjoy it before it's cruelly ripped away from me again. It's almost as if I'm not _allowed_ to be happy… I keeping torturing myself with thinking about him or wishing I could turn the clocks back and do whatever it takes to keep him here. But I know I can't and that's eating me up inside. I know I'm not the only one who misses him Ig, but I feel empty…" I slowly trailed off, waiting for him to say something along the lines of 'buck up' or 'stop being selfish' but was surprised when he reached out and hugged me to him tightly.

IPOV

I knew Max was beating herself up for him leaving, blaming herself for everything that went wrong in our lives. And maybe she was right, maybe we didn't understand how she felt. But she didn't understand that by going down this destructive path she was on, she was hurting everyone else in the process.

We all missed him, even I did slightly. My hatred and want to kill him for hurting my family out weighted my love for him though. He was like my brother but no family member would abandon the people they love willingly, leave the ones they care about in such a depressed state.

We all slightly blamed ourselves. Angel for becoming the power hungry demon she had been, Nudge for talking his ear off all the time, Gazzy for having digestive issues and stinking up his room, me for blowing up many of his things. It was mostly Max though… the one who had the least amount of blame in all of this, was taking all of it.

She was slowly destroying herself with the torment, and although it had recently-ish happened, and was still raw for all of us, she would end up self-destructing soon. She kept to herself for the most part, only recently starting to come out of her room and join everyone else for a few hours a day, but even then… even when everyone tried to act normal. She would be faking it.

She'd fake it for our sake, I knew that. I knew she was being strong for the kids, because honestly. What are you supposed to think when your leader is breaking down and doesn't even know how to keep going? No, that would cause chaos and hurt us all even more. Losing one member was bad enough, but losing our leader would be devastating. So she pretended to be strong even though it was obvious she was falling apart at the seams.

We knew how bad she had been… listening to her crying herself to sleep every night, having her pain make our already existing pain that much worse. And although I didn't know how she felt, or understood anything other than the slight loss of a brother figure, I was harsh on her.

I don't know why, maybe because if she fell apart completely then I would be left in charge as the second oldest? I wasn't ready to lead the flock, hell I could barely walk around my room without bumping into things! So I pushed her, made her probably resent me for my aggressive tone.

But in that moment of us talking on the porch, listening to her voice crack with unshed tears no doubt building up, and her shuddering breaths trying to keep them at bay, I couldn't just swallow my selfishness of not wanting to become leader.

So I hugged her, and let her lean against me as her knees gave out and she started bawling again. Soaking my shirt on one side completely and occasionally hitting my chest with her fists like a child throwing a tantrum.

But I just ran my hand over her hair, whispering over and over again "everything's fine, you're going to be fine Max" even though we both knew what I said was a complete and udder lie. But I told her anyways, because she didn't need a selfish brother right then, but someone to lean on and whisper lies to her, so that is exactly what I did.

**By the way... the flock is at a safe house. Anyways, I'm sorry if this chapter wasn't as good as the first one... it's going to take me a while to conjure up all the feelings and emotions I was going through when I wrote the first one, in order to put those into the future chapters. **

**I hadn't intended on updating for quite awhile actually. I'm about to finish my sequel soon sadly and have a bunch of stuff going on in my life right now. I won't be able to update for I don't know how long, so in other words... I can't give you a definite answer on when the next chapter will be up. Anyways, I got the whole idea of updating tonight because I was watching Supernatural (for those of you who don't know, it is an awesome ass show and you must watch it! You'll love it!) while I was drawing. I was almost done with a piece I had been working HOURS on in my sketch book (bound felt kind of book so the pages are really hard to rip out without destroying the entire thing basically) when all of a sudden... my fucking sharpie runs out of ink... My only god damn black sharpie runs out of ink on a drawing I'm ALMOST done with in my SKETCH BOOK -_- fml... Now I have to find a way to cut the page out without screwing up all my other drawings and get more sharpies before I can draw anything... **

**Anyways... R&R please? I've had a bad night... Your reviews make me feel better?**

**Fly on, **

**Jenn**


	3. Chapter 3

I couldn't take it… the feeling of being surrounded by hundreds of people made me feel even more suffocated then I had before we left the house. Nudge had dragged me to the nearby mall, saying "It'd be good for me to get out of the house where I was constantly reminded of the douche bag."

But honestly… I prefer the isolation of my bedroom to the crowd inside Forever 21…

"Ohhhh MAX! Try this one!" I pushed through a herd of people to locate Nudge standing in front of one of those circle spiny clothes racks that we once played hide and seek in. She beamed at me then shoved a piece of fabric in my hands before roughly pushing me towards the dressing rooms.

Closing the door and locking it, I slide against the wall while breathing heavily. Grateful for once for Nudge shoving me in a dressing room. I stood up slowly before examining what I thought had been clothing, but really looked like it was for a Barbie doll.

"Nudge I'm not fucking wearing this!" I yelled through the door, she shoved her head in the hole at the bottom and glared at me upside down, her monster of hair brushing the carpet.

She looked at me before saying deathly calm "Yes Maxie you are." I nodded my head quickly and watched as her face disappeared again. When Nudge yells or throws a tantrum, that's one thing. But when she's calm and firm… you better just agree with anything she tells you to do.

I grumbled under my breath before slipping on the tight and short black dress, don't expect me to describe it either because it was just black… nothing fancy about it alright people? I looked in the mirror and tugged the dress down some, before realizing that I had to tug it up.

Huffing slightly I pushed the door open and stood there, looking as Nudge put both her hands on her cheeks and gasped dramatically. "MAX! That is beautiful on you! You should totally get it! Ohhh it really makes your eyes pop! And you look super ass skinny! And yo-"I slapped my hand over her mouth and got close to her ear before growling at her.

"This thing barely covers my ass. And if it covers my ass it barely contains my boobs, so no I will not be getting this dress. I don't care HOW hot it makes me look, I would prefer to wear a leather jumpsuit for the rest of my life before I wore this out in public!"

She shrunk away from me and I instantly felt guilty, sending her an apologetic look I sighed, "I'm sorry… Go pick out some other stuff if you want that isn't revealing okay?" she nodded quickly and disappeared in the mob of people. I ran my hand through my hair and turned to head back to the dressing room when I heard someone whistle.

"Nice ass" I turned around slowly to glare at a group of guys standing by a manikin. "Excuse me?" I growled, giving them a chance to change what they had said. One of the guys stepped forward and put his arm around my shoulders and grinning at me. "You wanna get something to eat sugar?"

I stood there for a minute waiting for Fang to appear and talk shit to this guy, but then it hit me like a train going 80 miles an hour. _Fang isn't here anymore…. _I shook my head slightly to keep myself from losing it right now and looked at the guys hand on my shoulder before grinning.

I looked at the guy sweetly and batted my eyes a little like those ditsy girls always do before saying "Take your hand off me before you regret it. I'm giving you five seconds." I watched as the guys smile faltered before his grip tightened and he laughed, "Now why would I want to do that?" he asked.

"Five" I mumbled, still grinning innocently at the idiot who did nothing.

"Four" still… nothing

"Three" I raised my pitch a little so it sounded like "wee" like when you're spinning or some shit like that. Still the bozo did nothing.

"Two" I dropped my smile and glared at him. Being satisfied by his look or slight terror, but still he didn't move. Alright wise guy… you had your warning.

"One" I grabbed his hand and twisted it behind his back before flipping him. Revealing in the sound of him smacking the ground and his breath leaving him in a whoosh. Bending down far enough to where my ass didn't hang out but I could get in the guy's face I smiled sweetly while cocking my head to the side and giggling.

"I told you to take your hand off me. Next time you should listen before you get your ass handed to you by a girl in front of your friends." The guy's face reddened as he turned and watched as his friends fell on the ground laughing. I stood up and walked towards the dressing room, being happier than ever when I put my jeans back on and dragged Nudge out of there.

"Max…" We had left the mall entirely and Nudge hadn't said a word until we got in the car, yes I am a licensed driver now and I didn't steal a car…. Such little faith.

"I know Nudge… thank you for trying to distract me but I'm fine sweetie, you don't need to worry about me."

Nudge turned to look at me like I had grown a second head, reaching a stop light I turned to glance at her before asking what she wanted. "Max you are NOT fine! You are anything but that! We all know you're hurting and feeling broken and we understand that it's going to take some time for you to feel better, but you're our family too. Meaning we worry about you just like you worry about us. It isn't 'Max takes care of us but nobody gives a second thought about her' we ALL care and worry about each other, including you! We know we aren't easy to deal with and can be a handful and that's why we appreciate that you actually care and take the time to care about each of us. We know we make your life difficult and that Fang leaving didn't help at all, but we all lost somebody! Not just you!"

I looked at her and noticed tears starting in her eyes, before I could speak the car behind me honked furiously and I turned back to the road. "Nudge… I know I'm not the only one hurt by this and I never thought that I was."

"So why won't you let us help you get better?" she sniffled, wiping furiously at her face to hide the fact that she was crying. Glancing at her slightly I pulled over and turned back to talk to her.

"I know you want to help, and I appreciate and love you all for that. But this isn't something you can just fix and it'll go away. It's my problem that I have to learn to deal with on my own, something only I can come to terms with and fix. Just like when you're upset with something, and you feel like only you can make yourself feel better. That's what I'm going through right now… and honestly… I forgot about him for a while when we were at the mall. I had fun Nudge, and you were right about needing to get out of that house. That was what I needed, and you helped me by doing that. But me feeling the way that I feel is something that I have to fix on my own when I'm ready."

She sniffled and nodded before reaching over the consul and hugging me as best you can in a car. I rubbed her back comfortingly before getting back on the road, Nudge turning the radio on and both of us singing along like idiots on the way back to the house.

It was something I had to deal with on my own, nobody knew how I felt, and I couldn't convey in words _how _I felt. It was the kind of thing that you just can't describe, like being in love with someone. You can't put into words how you feel about that person, you just know that it's a strong feeling and that you try to prove just how much they mean to you by actions.

The only difference was I had lost the person I loved, still loved. And I didn't know what words to use to express just how broken I truly felt. But in that moment of singing along with Nudge to a song that used to be _our_ song, a song that made my heart shatter a little more, I hide my feelings because it was making her feel better. Of course that didn't stop me from locking myself in the bathroom and letting the shower drown out my cries…. But that's an issue for another day.

**R&R please**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm sorry for the shortness /.\**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything MR**

The pain didn't register in my mind, not yet anyways. The cold sting of the metal didn't even faze me, neither did the beautiful red dots that followed shortly afterwards, quickly growing in size. I starred at it for a few minutes, watching as it dripped down my arm before the burning appeared and threw me back into reality.

Sitting on the floor leaning against my bed I looked around before grabbing a shirt a few feet away, wrapping it tightly around my wrist and watching it turn from baby blue to maroon in a matter of seconds. Pressing my right hand on the wound tightly, I leaned my head back and bit my lip to keep from cursing.

This is what it's resulted to... I couldn't even tell you how I had come to be in this position. One minute I was moderately fine and the next I was twirling a razor in one hand while looking at the closet, debating if it would work or not. Apparently it didn't.

~~~~;;~~~~

I watched from my spot as she slid the blade across her arm, smiling slightly when she started to bleed before looking scared and grabbing a shirt to stop the bleeding. I watched as she fell apart, crying everyday since I left them. I made sure not to get to far away in case they needed help.

I watched as she struggled to get out of bed every day, and how she'd practice smiling before walking to join the others. How she'd stare at the ceiling and cry herself to sleep, how Dylan was there to catch her when she fell to the floor one morning, not able to fake it anymore. How she looked pale and dead, and how she told everyone to never mention me. I watched as she fell apart more each day, watched as the damage I had caused chewed away at her.

I watched, wishing I could help fix the damage I caused. But knowing that going back would only make things worse. So I just watched... watched as the person I loved fell apart, wishing I had never left in the first place, and hating myself for causing her and everyone else so much pain.

But I did it to protect them, was it worse to be there with them and take the chance of them, her getting hurt? Or to leave and take the targets off of them? I did it to protect them from harm... but did I cause more harm by leaving then I would have by staying...?

I looked through her window to see Dylan holding her, growling lowly I punched the tree until the bark dug into my skin, causing my knuckles to bleed. Taking off back towards my group, back towards her clone.

**I'm not sure if I want to do a full blown story with this one or not yet... I have some ideas but I'm not positive how I want this to play out... R&R?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Just a heads up, whenever a chapter is like this one where it's a little speech time thing. It's Max's thoughts. Just pointing that out for anyone who didn't realize it. **

Time doesn't heal all wounds. It doesn't heal anything actually. You don't "get better with time", that's just some bullshit lie somebody tells you so you feel better.

You don't forget about what happened that put you in this state of pain, and you don't go back to being the person you where before the pain. You don't _heal_ is what I'm trying to say, you just become numb.

The memories are always at the back of your mind, scratching to get to the surface like little demons wanting to watch you unravel and crumble to the ground. But if you're numb, you're strong enough to repress it. You don't care anymore because you can finally not feel _anything_.

You no longer feel the gut wrenching pain every time you are reminded of what happened, you no longer feel like an empty meat suit just walking around, living day-to-day. You no longer feel the anger that courses through your body, making you see red. You no longer randomly fall to your knees in tears, too weak to even stand up.

You no longer feel like the broke, weak, pathetic human being you are. But instead, you feel free. Free of all the burden you carried for days, weeks, and months. And sure, you still feel the prickle of fresh tears when something reminds you of the incident, but now you're strong enough to hold them back. You're now strong enough to take back your life.

So no, time doesn't heal all wounds, time doesn't do shit really. You're the one that heals yourself, the one that molds yourself to become the better and stronger you. You find ways to adapt to the pain, become familiar with it, because at this point it's become a part of you.

You've been in pain for so long that you're used to feeling this way, it would feel foreign to _not_ feel pain anymore. But being numb? Now that's a blessing. Everything you feel is still there, just repressed to the recesses of your mind. You control when or if they come out or not, you control if you want to cry.

You get to control how people perceive the "new and improved" you. Some may think you've become heartless, while others might like you even better than before. But who cares? You no longer give a damn what others think, because by caring you're giving them the option to cause you harm, and no one will cause you harm again.

You've built up so many walls to protect yourself from people, pushing those closest away and keeping those farthest even farther. You've surrounded yourself in a circle of walls, locking everything inside so no one can use anything against you. You think this is the perfect idea, keeping everything to yourself and only letting people get so close to you before you push them away again.

By doing this no one can hurt you right? But then… you'll be hurting yourself. You assume that everyone is going to hurt you eventually so you try to protect yourself from that, but by doing so you ruin any chance of happiness you have. All because you trusted someone once and they hurt you.

There isn't much you can do really. You can either open up and take the chance of getting hurt again, or you can close yourself off and hurt yourself by not being happy. Love hurts, it's supposed to hurt.

It's like handing someone a gun pointed right at your heart and trusting them enough not to pull the trigger. And what if they do pull it? Do you give them another bullet because they missed the first time, or do you discard anything you felt for them because they can't be trusted?

A broken heart is like a broken rib, no one can see it but each breathe hurts more than the one before. You can either get it fixed and live your life, or let it kill you. After all, what the hell is time going to fix when you're dying of a broken heart?

**I know it's short and I'm sorry... but R&R please?**


	6. Chapter 6

**I know I haven't updated in a while and I'm sorry. I've had a lot going on with finishing my sequel to dealing with school. But thank you for sticking with this story!**

Sleep. Something that everyone loves and is needed in order to survive. It's been tested that the average human being can go eleven days without sleep and three months without food. I feel like I'm testing that theory lately.

Crying myself to sleep isn't working anymore, it never did really. Did you know that you cannot cry if you're dehydrated? Or if you cry every day for weeks, you'll get to the point where you literally have no more tears to cry.

But crying yourself to sleep… it drains your energy, takes every ounce of strength from you and releases it into the tiny drops of water streaking your face until you're too weak to stay awake and shed more.

I don't cry, at least I didn't before. If I was hurt or upset I swallowed the pain and moved on, compelling myself to hold back the tears no matter how hard they wanted to fall. I never cried, especially not in front of people. But now it seems like that's what I'm known for.

I hate it, that moment where something pierces your heart and causes you to lose your breath. You're taking deep breathes, trying to fill your lungs because you feel as if you're suffocating. And then the small broken sound that fills your throat soon escapes your lips, causing your throat to burn.

And the worst part, the worst part is when you crumple to the floor, your body racking with pathetic sobs and choked sounds of pain. You're sitting there all alone, one hand wrapped around your stomach because of the pain and the other covering your mouth to keep the noise inside, tears staining your shirt and the floor.

That's the worst part of it. It starts with the first pained sound and then you can't hold it back anymore, and then you eventually fall asleep from the lack of energy. Only to wake up with dried tears on your face a few hours later, ready to start the process all over again.

Or how about the time when you're lying in bed, starring at the ceiling at another sleepless night, and you aren't sure why but you just… start crying. Nothing reminded you of the situation, it just happens out of nowhere. Almost as if routine, like your body knows you haven't cried today so now you will. So you simply turn to the side and bury your face in the pillow, letting the tears stain the pillow case instead of your shirt. Curled into a ball, covering your face with your hands, praying no one will hear you.

Praying… praying to whatever might be out there, even though you don't believe. Praying that this pain will subside long enough for you to just get some sleep already. Laughing at yourself for being this pathetic, praying to something you don't believe in, but you've just reached the point where you can't take it anymore. Where you'd do anything to get this pain to stop. But your praying goes unanswered as always, becoming one more thing that makes you believe that you deserve this.

You deserve to feel this pain, to hurt every minute of every day, to have your happiness ripped away from you, to feel nothing but self-hatred and anger. But you don't deserve it… you try and talk yourself into believing that but you always give up. Thinking "what's the point?" You try to burry yourself in things to distract you, but those things are only reminders. So you try and change yourself.

Change yourself to be the complete opposite of who you were. To be stronger by not letting people get to close, by being angrier at those who have hurt you, and by feeling more hatred towards those who have what you lost. But deep down, you're just tired. Exhausted really, because the only way you seem to be able to sleep if by crying, and that only gives you a few hours.

I'm running on maybe five hours of sleep in these past three days. Let's see if a person really can go eleven days without sleeping…

**Thanks to Queen of Awesome for getting others to read this by the way! You're awesome!**

**R&R please **


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